Dear Nala:

This is how we'd sometimes begin sentences to each other when we knew the other wasn't paying attention.  You might be "in the zone" working on something, and I'd be at my desk in our office across from your desk.  I'd randomly say, "Dear Nala.  I love you the mostest."  Most times, I could only see your face from your eyes up, but I could tell you were smiling the biggest smile ever.  You'd look at me with that smile, then cock your head to the side so I could see that you were smiling.  Then you'd reply, "Dear Simba. You're lying.  You know I love you the mostest."  I miss those days.  I miss all of our days.

You passed away a month from today.  A month and 6.5 hours to be exact, if I go by what the paramedics said.  

This has been the hardest thing to deal with in my entire life.  I love you so very much, and everything I know about myself.... all of my motivation, my identity, my self-pride, my routine, my expectations, my happiness, my heart... everything is gone.  I feel so deeply alone without you.  Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier, but it doesn't.  Not even a little.

Please know that you are still and always will be my soul mate.  My one and only Nala.  There will never be another.  Just like you told me, many times.  I've never loved anyone like I've loved you and I've missed nothing in my life like I miss your smile.  Your face.  Your hair.  Your voice.  Your look.  Your smell.  Your touch.  

I spent my entire life looking for you, and I never in my wildest dreams thought I would find you.  I was the luckiest man on earth, for 3 years, and I'll never forget it.  

I was supposed to protect you.  That's what a Simba does for his Nala.  That's Simba's only responsibility.  I'm so so sorry that I failed to do that for you.  I know I don't deserve it, but I hope that you can forgive me.  

If you can find it in you to forgive me for this unforgivable mistake, I ask that you please give me a sign.  Any sign.  Touch me.  Say something in my ear.  Sniff my ear like you used to do.  Appear in my dreams.  Anything.  I just need so much to have some kind of connection to you again. 

I'm thinking of you and talking to you every moment of the day and night.  I hope that you one day can answer me.  And I hope more than anything else that we find each other again one day.  I need to feel whole again, and you're the only thing that's ever made me feel that way.

Forever your Simba...  I love you, Nala.