Every day, I would tell my Nala how much I loved her. It was not just a routine, and not just because
I should. Every time we would part ways for any reason, or see each other again, wake up, go to sleep,
or just because... I would tell her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I always knew that
there might be a moment where I wish I had told her. You never know when that last moment might be.
Unfortunately, I had to then learn that this wasn't just a paranoid way to think. Luckily, the last
time we spoke, I got to tell her that I loved her, kiss her cheek, and put her hair behind her ear.
This section includes the notes I'd write to her if she were still here, and some simply because she
isn't.
Dear Nala:
I love you and miss you more than any words, website, or anything else can articulate. I hurt so badly still. I'm sorry for not writing you over the past couple of weeks, but touching the computer doesn't have the joy for me it used to. It's quite the opposite. Moving my body hurts inside and out still.
Dear Nala:
When thinking back on our relationship (which I do every moment of the day), I'm constantly going back to John Legend's song, All of Me, where he says, "your perfect imperfections." You remember the song. You sent it to me, and it is on our playlist. There are all kinds of things that other people might find to be gross, uncomfortable, weird, odd, or annoying. Things that were unique to you, and while others could have found issue with them, they were all reasons why I love you even more. Every single day...
Dear Nala:
Yesterday was two months since you've left us all... Two months since you last opened your eyes. Two months since the light from the sun lit up your beautiful face and body. Two months since you and I last touched and said our I love you's. The last time we locked our eyes together. The last time I was allowed to do something for you. You asked me to go to the store and get you Vitamin Water, and then asked me for water with lemon. You never asked me for anything, ever. I was so excited to do something for you.
Dear Nala:
We're getting close to 10 AM right now... Our recent routine had you coming in and saying good morning at almost exactly 10 AM every morning. I'd look forward to that moment so much. In fact, I'd be looking at the clock, eagerly waiting for it. If some of the physics videos I've been watching have any truth to them, I might have even been inadvertently making time move slower, causing you to not get to be as soon as I wanted.
Dear Nala:
There was a phrase that I must have uttered to Paige like 100 times or more today, "Your mom." Remember how we used to do that to each other all of the time?
Dear Nala:
I was making breakfast for my daughter this morning. I wanted to be sure she was well fed and felt good this morning because she begins a bunch of tests this week. So I made her my family's spam fried rice.
Dear Nala:
I love you the mostest. I really really do. And I miss you dearly.
Dear Nala:
Every morning is like a fresh new wave of hurt. I always miss something specific. This morning, I really miss you making fun of me.
Dear Nala:
Paige and I put up our Christmas tree, lights, and wreath today. Kody helped us get the tree. It hurt so much to not be able to do that with you this year.
Dear Nala:
I'm going through some of your photos right now (yet again), and I can't tell you how much I miss all of the little things. Especially the things that gave you pleasure, like your purses...