Dear Nala:
I love you and miss you more than any words, website, or anything else can articulate. I hurt so badly still. I'm sorry for not writing you over the past couple of weeks, but touching the computer doesn't have the joy for me it used to. It's quite the opposite. Moving my body hurts inside and out still.
I was thinking, how about we have one more day together? One more day so that we can have a proper goodbye. One more day to say and do everything that we loved so much.
Our one more day should probably be our favorite day of the week... the day where we'd do everything to avoid being at home - even though we loved being homebodies.
We'd wake up this Saturday, sometime between 8-10 AM. We'd lay there making fun of each other, talking, tickling, cuddling, and watching Food Network until about 11 AM.
Then, I'd make us breakfast - most likely my family's Spam fried rice. You'd probably shower while I made breakfast.
We'd eat breakfast together, watching Food Network still. I'd have your glass of orange juice and another of water ready, just like you loved. We'd enjoy this time, talking about the show that's on, and looking out through our window, talking about how much we loved the weather here.
We'd finish breakfast, and then begin getting ready to go out for the rest of the day and night. I'd be ready in about 20 minutes, but you'd take much longer. I was okay with that, but you never believed me when I said it. I'd constantly find reasons to walk by you as you were getting ready, so I could sneak peeks of you. You'd see me sneak the peeks, and pretend to be offended, like always.
You'd get dressed, at least twice, and then finally walk down the hall. I LOVED watching you do this. Your runway walk down our hall, from our bedroom to our living room. All the while looking at me, eager to see my reaction to the work you had put in already that day. You never failed to look amazing. Every single fucking day you looked beautiful. Even when you were sick as a dog.
I'd spend a few minutes going through your reassurances with you, but yes honey, you look absolutely beautiful!
Finally, we'd walk out the door and go down the hill to our favorite wine bar, TasteVin. We'd park behind our favorite grocery store because it was our little secret that this was the one place in our downtown where parking was always available. Then, we'd walk half a block to TasteVin.
We'd enjoy the walk over to TasteVin, always commenting on the crepe place we'd walk by, saying how delicious it smelled and how we'd one day go in and actually try it. Then we'd walk by a clothing store. You always had to stop and window shop there. You absolutely loved their clothes and wanted so badly to buy some, but you couldn't get over their price tags. I'd tell you that Santa would help you with that, then we'd move on. From there, we'd be gently dodging families and dogs for the next few shops, until we arrived at TasteVin.
We loved arriving. These people are our friends. They loved you so much too. We'd sometimes see them outside talking to a customer, but most often, we'd open the door, and slowly make our way to our seats at the bar. They really were our seats. You'd sit at the first seat, with me at your side. During our walk in, we'd both be looking around and comment on the things that we notice changed from our last visit. Lillian would always feign being impressed and have the biggest smile and hugs for us. It was like a home away from home.
From there, Lillian would get us setup for our wine tasting and the food pairing. We'd take our time going through each wine, comparing it, discussing it, and breaking it down, until the tasting was done. Sometimes, we'd also help Lillian with other customers at the bar.
After our tasting, we might have another 1-2 glasses of wine, and around 4 pm, we'd begin looking for where we'd have dinner that night. You were so damned talented at finding perfect places to eat. I couldn't then and still can't duplicate what you able to make look effortless. Once we'd agree on a place, we'd leave sometime between 5-6 pm for our dinner.
Dinner was such an enjoyable production for us. We loved great food and delicious wine, but we also loved our service experience. We'd arrive at the restaurant and instantly begin talking about the place, as if we were professional food critics, noting what we'd put into the newspaper the next day. We'd breakdown every little aspect of the techniques by the staff, to the quality and presentation of the food, the wine list, ambiance, cleanliness... everything. We'd also be sprinkling in our people-watching the entire time. We loved comparing the backstories of what we thought the various other couples had. Sometimes they'd match, but other times, we'd be completely different.
We'd order an appetizer, always. We would both order a different wine from the wine list and different entrees. You could break down a menu better than anyone I've ever heard of. No matter how many times we went out together, you'd always end up with the better meal (except once). And we'd never order the same things, because we loved sharing and comparing our meals, and the wine pairings we ended up with.
We'd rarely order dessert at the end of our meals. However, a good port or madeira was always in the cards. Though, you never got into grappa like I did.
Now that dinner was done, the rest of the night might have different endings, but they always included at least one of the following, and sometimes all of them...
We might go to a movie next. I was generally in charge of choosing the movie, but you always retained your veto rights. Though, you rarely felt the need to exercise your executive decision rights. We'd watch the movie, maybe stopping at one of our spots next to the theater to have a margarita or white wine before the movie started. Again, we'd spend a great deal of time breaking those down. It was our favorite thing to do, I think.
We'd get into the movie just before it started. You hated the thought of waiting in a line. You'd end up getting some Sour Patch Kids or the sour tape candy, even though you "didn't have a sweet tooth," and "hated sweets." I'd get a water and maybe some Dibs ice cream. The entire movie was spent cuddled together in our seats, with regular kisses on your forehead, and my hand running through your hair.
After the movie, we might choose to have a nightcap at one of our two favorite spots, either Martin's West or Town. They knew us at Town, so we loved the service there. Saul and Peter would do everything and anything to make sure we were taken care of.
After a while, we'd decide to finally come home. We'd spend a few minutes getting into our lazy clothes, and then reconvene on the couch, cuddling, to watch one of our shows. You'd begin with your feet on my lap, and I'd rub them. Then you'd switch, and I'd begin brushing your hair. It would end with you wrapped in my arms, and you might even fall asleep that way.
The night would finally end with us going to bed together. I'd be ready before you again, and wait for you. When you'd arrive, you'd jump into bed, and with cat-like reflexes, you'd put your hands and feet all over me to warm them up (and to torture me). Without fail, they'd be ice cold, which is like the most painful kyptonite to me. In a few moments, you'd finally warm up, and we'd be cuddling together still. We'd have our kisses and I love you's. I'd always end it with, "Good night, beautiful. I love you."
This was our favorite day of the week, repeated almost every single week with very few exceptions. This is the last day I'd like to have with you, my love. Our favorite day. I'd love to have this day again as our last day together. A final and proper goodbye.
I love you so much honey. I miss you so much it hurts in every way possible. Please know that. Please know that I'll never stop loving or missing you, and if you can manage it, I'd love to have one last day with you baby. I'd love to be able to say goodbye to you in our own way.
With all of my heart and soul,
Your Simba. Always.